Day 12; a little late for the grim reaper

My stress level has peaked due to the concerns the doctor had at today's visit. He's concerned about several things, the first being hyperstimulation. My right ovary is good with only 5 or so follicles growing. My left ovary, however, has a bundle, like 10 or more & he doesn't want it to get out of hand. They drew blood to test for my hormone levels to make sure they aren't too high. We'll forego the HCG shot tonight in lieu of ovidrel, which is merely the LH hormone. The advantage being that LH gives me a peak of hormone and forces me to ovulate and then quickly leaves my body. On the other hand, the HCG would remain in my body for 5-6 days and continue to feed the follicles and that's where the fear of hyperstimulation comes in. He even mentioned that we may not go ahead with this cycle and instead freeze eggs or embryos and use them later when my ovaries are not so swollen. Aagghhh. Stress.

Secondly, he addressed the syndrome that got us here in the first place. Stupid Klinefelter's. It's the genetic abnormality that Michael has that causes low sperm counts and makes us infertile. With Klinefelter's comes extra risk when having children, which he of course felt the need to list in detail today so we knew what we were up against. Mental retardation. Extra X chromosomes. Low IQ. Evidence of ovaries in male children. He suggested we send the sperm off for genetic testing so that we can select the ones that are not affected by this abnormality and use those. This peace of mind could be ours for an extra $3-4,000. Even after spending that money, though, there is no guarantee of pregnancy! Aaaaggghh. More stress. Michael and I have talked about this to a degree and feel that the syndrome does not pose enough risk to take those extra steps (or spend thousands of more dollars). Although plagued with the minimal side effects of it, Klinfelters has not decreased Michael's quality of life or as of yet shortened it by any degree. He leads a very normal life.

There's also the ever present proof that we can reproduce normal offspring: Eli. Okay, no jabs about him not being normal...I'm a little sensitive today...We don't know if he has Klinefelter's, but by all accounts that are obvious he is a healthy, normal developing boy. If we did it once, can we count on another miracle to make it happen again?

Speaking of miracles, at the start of this we both knew that Eli came to us completely as a miracle. The word from doctors was that Michael's count was so low to never expect to get pregnant on our own. But, poof, what do doctors know?....we got pregnant within 6 months of hearing that. I've treasured that miracle for 3 1/2 years now, but as this in-vitro process moves forward & more intricacies are unveiled I am more acutely aware of what a miracle he really is. Whatever the future holds I will be infintely grateful for the miracle I get to wake up to, make lunch for, laugh with and play pirate with.