First post of 2011

 

The new year is here.  Yes, I'm sure you're aware.  For 5 days now you've probably been working on your resolutions.  I'm still thinking about mine.  I've been vacillating between a super gung-ho approach to the new year (lots and lots of goals with plans to follow up, rewards and so forth) and a super simple approach (one word).  I see the benefit in both, but either way I really want to make something happen in 2011.  Perhaps many somethings happen.  But then again, this has been my approach in years past and, truth is, my plans get foiled.  I have been keenly aware lately that taking control is not a wholesome or peaceful way to attain what I think I need.  I simply can't man-handle the universe and make it produce the life I want.  So then that leaves me stranded.  What is the best approach?

Back in 2001, as we were ringing in 2002 (as pictured above) I had a really good feeling about the new year.  I've had this superstition for many years that the way you feel when the new year rolls in is how your year will go.  I was super happy that night.  We played phase 10 and each round I was getting my sets and running out of cards.  There was an excitement about the night that I couldn't put my finger on, it seemed out of place, especially considering I was a 25 year old spending the holiday alone with my parents.  My sister and her new husband of a week dropped by, and we all toasted to a new year together.  I was really happy.  Within months, I decided to take the plunge and buy my own place.  Because of that move, I met my Michael.  We were married a few months after that.  Life began rolling again after what felt like a dark, three year pause. 

Now 2011 is here and once again, I feel like the last few years have been a confusing, dark pause.  Don't get me wrong, there is plenty I'm grateful for and there have been bright spots.  But the one area of growing our family has confounded us over and over again.  I have more questions than ever and no answers.  I have more confusion than clarity.  More doubts than assurance.  It's causing me to waffle in the confidence that I once embraced every new challenge with.  As I try to deem what approach really is best, I consider mr. E's "goles" for 2011.  Particularly #4-8.

4. Play niec to (with) people.

5. Lecen to pepel (listen to people).

6. Maek more frends.

7. Maek pepel happee.

8. Love my mom and dad.

Regardless of the number of goals I make or resolutions I commit to, I must not forget the simple paths of finding peace and living happily.  He knows it at age six: being nice, making people happy, listening and loving.  With or without darkness, with or without questions, I need to be found living these same truths.  Two thousand and eleven will come and go just like all the rest, with unexpected ups and downs.  But me?  I plan to not come and go from what I've always known.