The ups and downs and more downs

Do you like roller coasters?  Yes, me too.

Our trip so far has been full of emotion, but not in the form that we expected.  That is, with the exception of seeing some members of the church on Sunday that I knew when serving as a missionary.  It warmed my heart to see them still serving, believing and happy!  I had an ear-to-ear smile all day and night, it was such a great feeling.

Monday arrived and it was time to visit the Ministry of Education.  We were referred a 4 yr. old girl.  The brief information that they had was not real positive but we decided to go out to the orphanage and visit with her anyway.  Some of the things on her initial report proved to be wrong, but other things were brought to our attention that were even worse.  We decided to see her again the next day and take a doctor with us who could give us a more professional opinion.  Her evaluation was quite negative and all in all, there was no peace.  We can not move forward if we do not feel 100% on board.  We declined that referral.  After we officially made that decision I felt peace return and I knew with all my heart that was the best decision for all of us.  Our coordinator explained to us that they would look for another referral for us, but it might be impossible.  She warned us that we may have to return home without a referral & wait at home for another invitation to travel.

This morning we returned to the Ministry of Education & I felt so much better than the day and half I was stressing over our first referral.  I knew that something good was about to happen.  We were shown the referral of a boy, age 5, who had serious heart problems.  We didn't feel right about him either.  Then they showed us an 18 month girl.  She was beautiful.  I felt so good about her & unlike the first girl we visited with, I immediately could picture this little one in our family.  She was half Russian and half Kyrgystanian.  Her medical record looked really good, the only concern was a deformed hand.  The whole way to the orphanage I'd glance at her picture and have such warm, good feelings come over me.  I even started thinking of names that would fit her cute cheeks and dark eyes.

We arrived at the orphanage only to find out that the girl's mothers rights had not been terminated.  Just today they had received confirmation from the court that the girl's mothers rights were merely restricted and not fully terminated.  This meant that she was not available for adoption.  Everyone in the office was baffled.  No one could believe that such a mistake was made--somehow she had shown up on the 'available child list' when she did not belong there.  Ludmilla, our coordinator, said she had never seen something like that happen.  I sat there with tears running down my cheeks.  It was all too familiar.  My mind flashed back to a couple of years ago when our fertility doctor explained that our embryos had accidentally been thrown away and never in his career had he seen something like that happen.  Why are we so often the recipients of the bad luck we-want-a-kid lottery??!!

Tomorrow we'll start over at the Ministry of Education.  It will be the last chance to receive a referral before we go home.  The only way that they will have something for us is if a child/children show up on the list that weren't there today.  Miracles are needed & so I ask, plead, beg of you to please say a prayer for us.  Thank you very much.

What's that?  You don't like roller coasters that last for 5 days straight?  Yes, me neither.